Rilzit

[Arctave]

Before you even read this, I want to let you know it was not made by me, it was made by Neofox and some other person. It also contains Yaoi, violence, language, etc, which here may be censored, so it doesn't matter anyways.

Again, it was not made by me, I just want to share. All chapters will be posted here. All images are not made by me.
If you want the uncensored version, PM me and I will give you the link. This may be updated a few times a day.

This is ZADR, which stands for Zim and Dib romance. Invader Zim slash fanfic.




Rilzit
By Kitteh and Neofox
Rating: R
Warnings: Violence and intense smooching
Disclaimer: Smeets will eat our souls if we dare claim Invader Zim. So yeah, Jhonen can keep his smeets of DOOM! We just want to borrow Zim and Dib for a fic, so calm yourselves.
Summary: ZADR. 'Why didn't I listen to Dad? I could have been safe at home studying science or some stupid shit, but noooo....I had to fall in love with a stupid alien and help him take over the Earth. Real smart Dib. Maybe next time you should just stamp moron on your forehead, much more effective’
Beta: omgwtfPseu

Chapter 01

It was another day at the educational establishment known as High Skool. Such a lovely place to be. Well, that is, unless you're one Dib...uh...whatever his last name is. Anyway, Dib didn't look like his younger eleven year old self, that's because he was sixteen now and much taller; 6'1 to be exact. He still had his big head and large glasses, but his trench-coat was long gone and all he wore was a sleeveless black tee which had an angry red face, and bondage pants that were good and ripped at the bottom from many days chasing a certain someone.

At the moment his head was resting on the desk in his history class because of much needed sleep, drool hanging out the side of his mouth. Not even the large paper balls that were being hurled at the back of his head could wake him from his slumber.

"Zim....bastard...back here...."

The paper ball perpetrator continued his mighty and oh so righteous attack on the large headed hairless monkey; for the greater good of the Irken Elite- the Dibworm would be destroyed by the deadly balled up razor sharp edges of thinly sliced tree shavings! Served the dirt ball walker right for what he did the last few days; the last few years of that matter.

Thwart after thwart, and the meat bag HUU-MUN just wouldn't stop. So now in his moment of weakness the mighty ZIM! took advantage and threw his arsenal of balled up paper (because armed missiles of utter DOOM would just give away his secret identity).

With the years past Zim's disguise hadn’t gotten any better. A different wig, but still the same consistency, considering the time he was suspiciously eyed at this new 'older' huu-mun cattle ground when his hair hadn't grown since grade skool. A longer but still form fitting Irken uniform; for with this damned mud ball, the gravity was lighter than Irk and thus he grew taller. A BLESSING! But the planet still smelled funny.

So at the same time he was absorbing the history of this planet, Zim was also destroying the Dibmonster. Oh what a mighty multitasker he was!

Zim cackled to himself as the last ball of paper he threw had knocked Dib's glasses crooked. One small victory for IRK KIND!

A loud snort came from Dib as the last paper ball hit his head and he shot up in his chair, his glasses askew. A few kids were laughing or giggling at him for the disruption he had caused once again in the class with, of course, the teacher being none the wiser. A snarl formed on his face as he righted his glasses and picked up the paper ball that had been the one to wake him up. He opened it up and rolled his eyes as he read Zim's name as well as 'Lord of all Humans' in huge writing next to it on the paper.

"Moron...only he would sign a paper ball"

He ripped up the paper and let it fall to the floor with a glance at his teacher (knowing it wouldn't really matter anyway). He then turned around and gave Zim the finger, then shoved it up his own nose.

Zim blinked as Dib turned and gestured so rudely to him. To him, the mighty ZIM! How dare he! Well, he'd show the worm baby exactly who was showing whom!

The Irken took either of his fingers pulling his mouth apart to bare his razor teeth and stick out his lithe, slithering tongue. He crossed his fake human eyes and hissed quietly in a mock voice "Blah blah blah- I'm Deeeb. I fink I'm so sthmaart. Duuuuuh. I fink alee-ans are reeeeel. Duuuhhh."

Zim swayed from side to side in his mock Dib impression. To some it seemed like a damn close impersonation, and a few even murmured so and snickered into their hands.

A small blush formed on his face as Dib watched Zim for a few annoying seconds before he finally cracked and stood on his own desk. He began to impersonate the alien in the back of the room, and pretty damn well, too

"Look at me, I’m Zim...I’m a stoopid Alien that can't even take over the Earth...Dib is sooo much smarter than me, I should just give myself up and admit that I’m a moron!" He shouted that last part loudly his eyes narrowed on Zim and his fists clenched at his sides. The kids seemed to have shut up at this point.

Zim gasped long and dramatically his eyes wide as his hands went to his mouth; such an outrage! He looked around shifty eyed. "LIES!" He pointed animatedly to the ceiling.

Quickly he darted eyes around before crossing his arms with a huff before looking rather pleased with himself. "You talk insanely, Dibworm. I see no aaaaaaaaaa-lien here." Zim leaned over looking to the fellow student beside him.

"Do you seen an alien?" He shifted to the other side "Do you?" He sat back up right.

"See, Dibmonkey. There are no aliens here." The Irken offered his gloved palms to the air as he shrugged and shook his head in mock grieve for the poor insane boy. "I am sorry. You are juuust simply stupid." Zim smiled with satisfactory. Oh yes, he was a very convincing human.

Dib watched as the kids Zim spoke to simply nodded their heads in response to the alien's musings. How could these people be so blind to what was right in front of them, so many years of his life wasted to trying and prove what Zim was when it was so plain! It pissed him off so much!

"Zim...you arrogant bastard...!" Suddenly he lunged forward away from his desk right at Zim, tackling him to the ground. His legs straddling the other one's body as he tried to choke him, but yet it didn't even seem like he was trying.

Zim's eyes shot wide "GAH!" He clattered from his desk onto his back with the human on top with a comical 'oof!'.

"Insanity! MADDNESS!--gak-!" One eye shut as he tried to pry Dib's hands off his poor neck, squirming to get away. "You've licked too many mad cows!" Zim croaked, prying the other's fingers off of him. "Now GET OFF ME unworthy HUU-MUN!" Growling the Irken threw a punch to the Dibworm's large oversized head in attempts to get him off.

Many of the kids had become interested in the scene and started chanting 'Fight, Fight'. Some, who were used to this kind of thing, had run out of the class because they knew what was bound to happen. The teacher had fallen asleep hours ago so it didn't matter anyway.

The punch had caused Dib to stagger slightly making him let go of Zim's neck but not causing him to get off the alien's body. He moved his head back around to glare at Zim after checking his mouth for blood and quickly grabbed hold of his shirt dragged them both up off the floor and slammed the Irken up against the wall, their faces very close together as Dib begins to speak.

"I'm sick of this shit Zim. You've been making my life a living hell for the past five years, I’ve put up with your rants, your schemes, and everything else. Sooner or later someone is gonna give in. One day, one of us is gonna get sick of it all...and you know what, I may just be that one!" His grip tightened slightly and a maniac sort of look came to his eyes.

Zim met Dib glare for glare only halting to give a slight 'Glak!' as his back then suddenly hit the wall. Fancy that they were standing now. The alien's eyes narrowed and a very sharp grin spread on Zim's face at Dib's words, despite the boy being so close breathing that stinky meat stench warm air on him.

"Oooooh. Giving in are we Dibdirtmuncher? Had too much of my miiiiiighty wrath?" Zim cackled settling either of his claw like hands drumming on Dib's shoulders with an oh so cocky expression, leaning more casual as if the idea to lean against the wall was all his.

"I knew this day would come. I KNEW IT!" Despite Dib's rather psychotic twitching expression Zim seemed all too calm, grinning from ear to ear (if he had ears). "You may bow before me, fleshbag. You may start your first order of duty to Zim by licking my boots clean with that prehensile tongue of yours."

His breath hitched slightly and his eye twitched a bit more if at all possible before the hand curling in the front of Zim's shirt gave way only to pull back and punch him in the face. Gasps could be heard in the class as this happened.

"Suck my cock Zim...I may be breaking down, but not so much as I would kiss your ass." He turned to go back to his desk, not giving Zim another glance. He realized the teacher was right behind him, glaring at him with such hate and pointing towards the classroom door.

"Dib and Zim you have disrupted my classroom one too many times! Go out in the hall so I don't have to deal with you!" Dib just stared at her for a few moments before mumbling under his breath, "...You mean so you can sleep" He went to his desk and picked up his bag, not even waiting for Zim as he walked out of the classroom to sit on the cold tile.

Zim hissed and held his poor pained cheek. He rubbed the swelling spot cringing as the teacher actually rose and yelled at either of them. Stupid teacher! And stupid Dibworm for having the nerve to hurt the mighty Zim's perfect face! With an indignant expression and narrowed eyes the alien marched out of the classroom, head held high proving that the idiot monkey didn't scathe him one bit.

"Hmf!"

It was nothing new being kicked out of a class room, or running out of one, or chasing each other out of one; this sort of thing became habitual. But the bright side of this time was that Dibworm was cracking and that made the pain in Zim's cheek lessen. So it was with matching bruises the two were damned to the hall.

"How dare you touch the perfect wonderful face of Zim!" The Irken stood with pride, one hand on his hip, the other on a swelling green cheek. He raised a foot to slam the sole of his boot against the enormous forehead of the human, to slam that giant head into the lockers or knock him over- either would be gratifying.

Dib raised his hand to stop Zim's boot from colliding with his head, the palm of his hand connected with the sole, his voice annoyed as he spoke, "Don't flatter yourself Zim. If anything I gave you a beauty mark." He couldn't help but smirk at that and pushed Zim's foot away. "It's all your fault you know. You do this to me...cause me to act this way. We could be sitting in that classroom right now acting 'normal' as you call it, but no, you just have to push my buttons." The whole time he was talking he had moved his head back so it was leaning against the wall, his eyes focused on the dirty ceiling of the Skool.

Zim lowered his foot, his lower lip jutted out as he started scrutinizing Dib, one eye narrowing more than the other.

"It is not my fault you are as unstable as Blickbi near Fulgorie." He crossed his arms and huffed only to look up to see what exactly was so damn interesting on the filthy huumun ceiling that the Dibworm would feel the need to look at it instead of Zim in the heat of battle. "Testy little worm-monkey. You should submit to ZIM! and save yourself five more years of suffering!" The alien hissed with naivety that it had indeed been five years of no success of Earth domination; a minor set back.

A small laugh escaped his body which caused his vision to stray from the ceiling for a split second, "It's scary to admit, but maybe for once you're right Zim. I'm not getting anywhere in life, all I’m doing is screwing myself over day in and day out.

“Nobody cares about humanity; all they see is some insane kid spouting random things about an alien bent on world domination. I suppose people will never open their eyes on this planet, that's what makes us different from you. You have the whole universe at your fingertips. Anytime you wanted you could just fly back to space and be among the stars as if you didn't have a care in the world. While down here on earth no-one has a clue what the hell is going on up there and just lead blind, moronic lives so oblivious to the truth that it makes me sick.

“And here I am, stuck in the middle thinking, ‘Am I really insane and it's all a dream, or is it all real and should I just give in to what my mind is telling me to do?’" He said this all with little to no emotion in his voice, what emotion that was displayed was mostly disgust.

Zim's mouth slowly opened as Dib talked and by the end it had come to a slack jawed state. He didn't mean to gawk, just every word that pushed out of Dib's mouth left him more and more stunned. He tried to look self assured and arrogant but the expression prior was just too blatant a thing to cover up.

He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat trying to remove the awkwardness before he crossed his arms again and nodded in agreement to Dib's pathetic attempts, failures and soon to be demise.

"Yes. You are a failure. And I am great." Zim patted his own chest in congrats and nod nodded. The alien jolted with new energy pointing a finger at Dib with great enthusiasm

"You should be MINE! My slave! My wooorkeeer." He purred with slow deviousness. The Irken thudded onto his knees so he was level with Dib but still higher to bear over him; height was might! "Join Zim!" He rubbed his hands together cackling "Join and help destroy those who mocked you in disbelief. Make them believers! Oooooh the ironies in this are all so sweet. So sweet they are irresistible~"

The pink slithering tongue licked the alien's lips as he leaned over Dib placing either palm on the wall to pull purposely into the other's personal bubble. The contact lenses that held the mock iris and pupil were narrowed by green lids as Zim's voice lowered dark and low.

"Join me Dib." he murmured; no need to shout when you're so close.

Dib stared at Zim for a few moments his eyes seeming to trace over the alien's face in that short time before a grin slowly began to creep its way onto his features.

"You finally broke me...I’ll join you. I have no second thoughts about saying it...if these people don't want to take me seriously, than maybe they will when they're all dead." The grin left his face but a small smirk still remained.

"I'm still not kissing your ass though. I’ll help you on my terms, I will admit doing this makes me pretty pathetic, so you got that little bit out of me."

"Humf." Zim scowled and murmured to regain himself "Your lips are not worthy of Zim's ass."

He sat back starring hard at Dib, his gaze trying to bore a whole into the human's head to peer in and see if this was indeed a insidious plan to lure himself into a false sense of security so that he would be captured. That big head of Dib's could cook up some rather crazy schemes. Tactless paranoia creeped out of nowhere in the alien's skull.

Zim curiously rubbed his chin as he analyzed the other with a slight smirk, though not really liking the other's. "There will be no terms until you have proven yourself loyal to Zim. PROVE YOURSELF!" He shot out a pointed finger pressing it to Dib's forehead in accusation. "If you daare." He added pointlessly with a hiss.

Dib's eyes traveled up to the annoying finger poking him in the skull, one brow raising in curiosity. His thoughts were now currently on how to get Zim to trust him; leave it to the Irken to think of something insanely stupid. How could they trust each other when they had been fighting for so long? He could just tell Zim to shut his mouth for once, but the alien would be too stubborn for that kind of logic.

His eyes moved back over to Zim's face and he got an idea that he hoped to god Zim knew nothing about. His head shot forward, as his lips captured Zim's and only one thing went through his mind at that moment, 'God, I really am insane.'

"UGH!" The Irken uttered in disgust as he swatted Dib's face away shoving him hard away. Furiously Zim wiped his mouth with the back of his glove sticking out his tongue spitting furiously to get the foul taste of human corn mouth off his tongue.

"Vile waste bucket of fleshy filth--- your mouth tastes like-" Zim paused a moment licking his lips and smacking them to get a proper analytical testimony "like chocolate cow squeezings!" Zim stuck out his tongue looking rather childishly upset with this out come, much like the Zim of five years, the alien hadn't changed at all. "If that is how your species proves loyalty-- no wonder your planet is so DOOMED."

Dib just stared at him for a few moments before rubbing the back of his head while standing up from his place on the floor. "Yeah, well I didn't say we were perfect, now did I? Uh, at any rate, you were asking me to show you some kind of loyalty in the next five minutes, and I sure as hell wasn't licking your boots. God only knows what is on those things.

“Besides, I’m sure you're not really gonna keep me. You just need my help to take over the planet and then you'll destroy me. Trust me, I know how you're mind works Zim. If anything I should question your trust."

"This is truuue." Zim murmured with shifty eyes as he rubbed his hands together diabolically. "I shall destroy you the moment I do not need you anymore!" He thrust his finger to the air and then blinked. Yes, he most likely shouldn't have said that aloud. But Dib said it first so-- it was okay!

The Irken stood up as well looking about the hall making sure no one was about; which there wasn't. "Good. Then you are under my control, stink beast. You will obey Zim's every command- AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!" He cackled, continuing to rub his hands together like the evil villainous villain he was- of villainy! "Now to come up with an ingenious plot." Zim rubbed his chin with a finger thoughtfully.

Dib just shook his head as Zim had begun one of his many rants, looking away from the alien and down the hall, listening with one ear. "Well, I’m not the one with all the 'superior' equipment at hand."

His eyes narrowed slightly as they focused on a small sign and he slowly began to walk away stopping a few feet away from the doorway that led into the nurses office. This wasn't what had caught his attention though, what really interested him was the bucket on top of one of the counters in the office that stated 'Hazardous Materials' in big bold letters. As he read this a thought started forming in his head, "That's it..."

“Yes, yes, killer sponges are a BRILLIANT idea!" Zim went continued nodding as he went on and on, congratulating himself for such genius. "I shall suck up ALL the water and—and..."

The alien dead panned and tapped his protruding lip as he thought on what next. "I shall flood the world with TANG!" Zim looked about craftily "But where to get that much tang..?" The alien suddenly, with animation, pointed in a random direction (which just happened to be the girl's bathroom) "TO THE PLACE OF CANNED GOODS!"

Zim blinked as he suddenly realized he had lost Dib. "Huh?" He noted where the boy was and tromped over to stand casually next to him with curiosity. "Yes, I know- it's a delicious victory of joooooos."

He tapped his lips again "But will we need little mini umbrellas?"

Dib glanced in Zim's direction for a minor second before shaking his head and turning to face the alien, "Zim, whatever you are thinking about, I’m sure it's just as stupid as your last idea. I have a better one."

He seemed to glance around for a few moments as well as hesitate before grabbing Zim by the arm and leading him over to a dark corner of the hallway instead of out in the open as they were. "Have you ever heard of something called biological warfare? Wait, that's a stupid question, even if you have you would have screwed it up if you tried using it." He smirked at this.

"Hey!" Zim protested, dusting his arm off where Dib touched looking rather perturbed at being pulled aside and being doubted for his mightiness. "Germs. Yes. I am familiar with your disgusting little microscopic bits of ick." He wiggled his claw like fingers in gesture.

"Your itty bitty dirty pimple slime covered monkey faces are covered in them." Zim made a face and edged away from Dib pressing his back against the shadowed wall giving the human a foul look as if he were rotting with germ infestation right there and then.

The alien blinked and practically pouted "My ideas are not stupid." He protested childishly.

Dib sighed at this and seemed to take pity on the irken if only for a split second, "Okay, fine. Not all of your plans are stupid. Now to get back to what I was saying. If we use biological warfare against Earth, than it would be so much easier for us...er...you to take it over. Everyone would either be too weak, or just dead in general. They couldn't stop you.

“The plus side to this is my dad works with tons of chemicals that can be used for this sort of thing. I’ll just tell him I want to start studying 'real' science or some shit and he'll be more than happy to give me anything I ask." he said all of this as if none of it bothered him.

Which seemed to drudge up that usual paranoia in Zim. He eyed Dib hard with one eye, speaking slowly with scrutiny ".. And how do I know you won't try to back stab me with these" Zim shuddered in remembrance of his utter insane phobia tickled with skitzo cleanlyness "germs?"

He swallowed thickly, lapping his slinky tongue against his lips in distaste. "How do I know if this isn't just a crazy big-headed-Dib-plot to capture ZIM?" The Irken leaned in closer bringing that one 'human' eye of scrutiny closer, as if he was trying to peer into his very, large, head.

Silence.

"Maybe that was the KISS of death you gave Zim. Eh? Eh? EH??"

Zim paused, leaning back normally. "You aren't going to kiss me again are you?" He blinked several times. Huu-muns were odd, odd creatures.

A small blush formed on Dib's face, he couldn't get the image of Zim's tongue out of his head, but the alien's words just pissed him off to no end. "Don't flatter yourself, Zim. Trust me, that's the last time I let my face get anywhere near your's.

“Besides, if we're gonna get anywhere with this plan then that means you're gonna need my dad's resources, which means you're gonna need me. You're gonna have to get over you're little weakness while we plan this shit out or else it will never work, and this is the best shot you have and getting rid of the human race. We're gonna be wearing suits while we work with the chemicals so you don't really have to worry anyway." He turned his head away from Zim to save himself any further embarrassment.

"Hmmm. Sounds good. Sounds very good." Zim rubbed his chin again thoughtfully and nodded only to point fiercely at Dib. His mock human eyes narrowed their beady pupils, the unnatural texture of the contacts glinted reflectively in the dark, almost cat like.

"But be warned, huumun. If you ever so much as think of double crossing me- there won't be enough of you left for cheese spread on a cracker." He gave Dib's nose a point of finger tip just to accent his point.

Dib moved his hand up to rub it across his nose as if actually wounded and simply glared at the alien in front of him for a few seconds before rolling his eyes, "You seriously need to work on your people skills Zim. It still comes as a shock to me how you have come this far without being discovered. Of course, as stated before, people are morons and I seem to be the only person on this god forsaken planet that sees through your stupid disguise."

When he said this he reached his hands out and pulled on the new horrible wig that was on Zim's head, "I mean seriously, it's not as bad as your last one, but it still doesn't help."

"Hey!" Zim swatted Dib's hand away with a scowl. "No one does the doo." He murmured coolly as he smoothed the wig back in place. "At least my head isn't as big as this mud ball's orbiting rock crater."

The alien pointed to Dib's big head. "And THIS," he grabbed the long hanging scythe lock, tugging it none too kindly. "Is what you compare Zim's magnificent hair piece to??" He tugged again, mainly because it was fun. "You insult me, Dibworm. You are no fine alien specimen, such as I am."

Zim splayed his free hand on his chest, looking all too 'humble'. "I know. You are crushed. But I'm sure working with me on this assignment will bring you up a few bars in the galactic world of popularity." Tug. "For knowing ZIM is knowing glory." Tug, tug. Zim finished by posing magnificently, eyes to the sky and hand valiantly clenched.

"Everyone loves Zim." He wiped an imaginary tear from his eye touched and then pointed at Dib. "Even you." Tug.

By the time Zim was done with his 'little' speech Dib had been pulled so close to Zim by his lock of hair that his face was buried in the Irken’s chest. He moved his hand up and pushed on Zim's face until he finally was able to get away from him and pry the little insect loose, his eyes narrowed once again as he tried to undo the damage that had been done to his lovely scythe.

"The word love never came out of my mouth Zim, maybe somewhere in your twisted little mind you wish I did, but for right now I just want to get this fucked up partnership over with. The sooner the better, and if that means having to deal with your inflated ego, than fine by me. Just don't let it get in the way with what we're trying to do."

Zim stared blankly at Dib. "You just said it."

Dib stuttered a bit before slapping a hand on his face then letting it fall back to his side, "Ugh, forget it! Come on, we're skipping the rest of skool, we have some things to get done if we're gonna work this out."

He moved past Zim, walking back to where his back pack lay on the ground and picked it up, setting one strap on his shoulder. "If you want me to help you out then you're gonna have to let me see the inside of your lab sooner or later, and since I need to figure out what you have that we can use at hand before I go crawling to my dad for help then I think it would be best that we do that now."

Zim hissed. "I will not foul my base with your sticky fingers, big glass eye shields and stink of- of- of DIB!" He crossed his arms stubbornly firmly setting himself in the hallway. "You will speak to your parent unit and see what you can get, THEN you will report to me,underling!" He quirked a brow ridge, holding his head with defiance. "Is that clear?"

He puffed. "This is Zim's conquest! Understand? You work for ME." Yes, to have the Dib-huumun writhing at his feet after so many years was indeed delicious.

A sigh escaped Dib's lips and he walked back over to Zim and raised a brow, "First of all they are called glasses you nit-wit. Second of all, you need to stop acting like a complete baby when you don't get your way. Get your head out of your ass and understand we need to work together. I’m not gonna bow down to your every command, Zim. I'm doing this for my own reasons just like you're doing this for yours. Now at some point, I’m going to have to go to your fucking lab, it's either going to be now, or later, but either way, we need to have a place to do this stuff and we sure as hell can't do it at my house or at skool!"

Zim opened his mouth only to close it and pout horribly. He hated the way Dib talked to him, he hated the way he insulted him, how he just wouldn't listen. His stubbornness, his voice, his face, that stupid hair, his feet, those dumb ears, that pasty skin, his need to be always right.

Huumuns were such pains in the Irken equivalent of an ass. Especially those called Dib.
"Well- my lab IS the most technologically advance piece of equipment on this dirt loogie of a planet." Zim buffed his 'nails' on his stripped shirt and blew on them.

"Yep. MUCH more advanced than your HUUmuns little microwaves and toaster ovens you call com-POO-ters here." The disguised alien turned and marched down the hallway, arms behind back as usual. "Yes, my lab is the best of the best of the best of the best. BUT- you'll enter on MY rules, Dibmonkey." Zim said pointedly, as if Dib coming to his lab was his idea to begin with.

Another sigh escaped Dib's lips...he seemed to be doing that a lot around the irken, "Whatever you say Zim, as long as it helps us work together, I really could give two shits less."

He began to follow Zim, but at a slower pace looking around the hallway here and there to make sure no one was able to see them just walk out of skool. "Hey Zim, since we're getting into one another's heads so to speak, why the hell haven't your scum of a race helped you take over Earth? I mean five years is a long time to leave it up to one filthy alien. Your leaders must have some patience."

Zim literally dead panned, freezing with one foot in the air to march down. The words stabbed all sorts of nerves. He spun around and thrust his fist pointedly at Dib's face as he spat his words. "My tallest have total faith in me! They know EXACTLY what I am doing! It takes careful planning to take down a STOOPID, pink bellied race like yours! It has to be an extra special DOOM that wipes you greasy meat snorters off this germ infested snot pile!"

He took a sharp inhale and gestured broadly out with his hands "Besides, it isn't my species that won't believe what is right under their very runny noses. Yes. I am just that good. And you are just that bad." Zim smirked. There was 'getting inside ones head' and there was 'getting under ones skin'.

"Besides...Your leaders think you're crazy." He added very low and darkly, his eyes slipping half shut before he turned to continue walking.

Dib stood there for a few moments in a small state of shock before one of his eyes narrowed in suspicion and he mumbled to himself, "Geez Zim, pretty touchy' aren't ya?" He once again walked after the irken, but had given up looking out for anyone as he remembered that no one in this skool cared about what the students did.

"Fine, whatever, sorry I brought it up. I just thought it was interesting to know. Besides, you never would shut up about your so called leaders, so I was always interested to know why they never just came and took the planet after all this time. My leaders may think I'm crazy, but at least they pay attention to me." He said this on a whim not really meaning anything by it.

"SHUTUP!" Zim turned sharply again, lashing out. If he hit Dib- good! If he missed- there was always a next time. "Shut. Your. Stinking. Pie. Mouth!" He pushed Dib away hard glowering at him with seething energy that Zim himself didn't even realize was gathering inside him.

Heavily, his chest rose and fell as he narrowed eyes oh so hatefully at Dib, forcing his anxiousness, his worry, all the doubt, every bit of anguish that had gathered in those five years of being left on the planet and did what he'd done to survive that long; blamed it all on the stinking human who stopped him time and time again. It was Dib's fault that nothing worked. It was Dib's fault that the Earth wasn't under Irken rule yet! It was Dib's fault for Zim's failures- not Zim! It was Dib's fault the Tallest didn't bother with this toilet hole of a planet and help out. They didn't want to see the monkey baby's huge smelly head! That was it-!

That sounded incredibly lame.

"My Tallest pay attention to me! I check in all the time!" He clattered his fingers together nervously only to ball either hand into tight fists. "They know a good invasion takes time! They know I have it under control!" Zim bore closer, fiercely closer to bare his ridged teeth at Dib "So shut up when you know NOTHING pigshit-EATER!"

Dib's eyes grew wider with each word Zim spoke. He had never seen the alien so fierce in all his time knowing him. He slowly moved his hands up and placed them on Zim's shoulders only to slowly push him back, "Zim calm down. I didn't mean to piss you off that much. Geez, I’m sure you're right and your leaders are confident in you. I never said they weren't, I was just trying to get back at you like I always do. What's wrong with you?" He seemed to actually be worried.

Zim's first initial reaction was to swat Dib's hands away and shove the stinking human back; but he didn't. For the first time in a long, long, long while, Zim felt tired. So. Very. Tired. He suddenly didn't want to stand anymore on his own accord, so he leaned somewhat against the hands on his shoulders.

"My leaders are confident in me." Zim agreed in his usual snotty tone but his heart suddenly didn’t feel into it. "And nothing is wrong. You... idiot" He failed for words and glanced around and saw little toddlers playing with a- "ball of..." he glanced around again "..-street lamp." He puffed at Dib's face. Yea, that showed him.

Dib shook his head a small smile on his face as he turned the invader around with his hands still on his shoulders and started to lead him down the street towards the freakish green house.

"I know they are Zim. I’m not gonna tell you otherwise. I promise you that this plan won't fail, I’ll try my hardest to make sure we have all the resources we need to make this work. That way your leaders can be even more proud of you than they already are, and maybe I can get some respect myself. If there is anyone alive to even respect me."

Zim crossed his arms over his thin chest, rubbing one arm with a gloved hand. His face seemed in a permanent frowning grimace. Yes, that was something to be proud of, helped by a stinking worm baby. Pitied by a stinking worm baby.

He eyed Dib as the lawn gnomes eyed him, turning their now chipped up porcelain bodies, as both approached the doorway marked with a washroom symbol. Zim stopped on the steps, either foot plainly planted as he just stood there a quiet moment and just stared at Dib, truly just stared at the boy. Quiet, almost reserved, he just watched the human a moment, with large fake eyes.

He had stopped a few feet in front of the alien and had started looking all around just as he had done when he was younger. He hadn't been to Zim's house in a good few years because Skool had gotten harder and it was just easier to pester Zim around Skool grounds then run all the way to his home.

He turned away from inspecting the place and looked back at Zim a blush forming on his face once again as he looked around himself as if something was about to eat his head before finally looking back at the irken, "W-what? You didn't change your mind did you?"

A gloved hand slowly reached out only to pluck Dib's nose. Irken didn't have noses, obviously, but still Zim had managed to convince people he was human. "Having two more breathing holes is stupid." He stuck his tongue out as he curiously pinched the boy's nose. Not that he'd wanted to do such a thing for several years now. The thought of touching huumun grease pigs was disgusting. Yes, he'd have to destroy these gloves after today.

A small snorting noise escaped Dib since he wasn't ready for such treatment. He struggled slightly since he wasn't able to breathe as well and when he spoke he sounded like he was high on helium, "Well...um...without them, I’d have to breathe through my mouth all the time, which kind of makes my mouth dry and can be pretty annoying. Besides, what to you mean two more holes? Where do you breathe from?" Despite his nose being pinched he still seemed pretty interested to know.

Zim opened and pointed inside his mouth. "You have two holes in your snorkel flap that I am holding." He pinched the nose in gesture.

The alien seemed to consider. "You know what else is stupid?" He reached out and nabbed one of Dib's ears with the other hand giving it light curious tug; a pitty, they didn't come off. "These round hunks of fleshy satellite dishes pasted on your faces. What kind of pathetic sound waves do you pick up on these things?" He ran his pointer finger along the curving outer rim. "So soft and flimsy- but they don't move." He scorned the human anatomy.

A shudder seemed to run through his body as Zim did this so he quickly moved his hands up and slapped the alien's hand away from his ear, his blush darkening a bit from earlier, "Uh, my ears are sensitive. At any rate they may not be as cool as your antenna, but they are functional. Trust me sometimes I wish I had what you had, but then I would just look as freakish as you do. Now come on, you've never been this interested in the human body before, why do I get the feeling you're stalling and still don't want me in your base?"

"Maybe." Zim shrugged leaving it at that. "But Irken are faaar more superior a race than you huu-mun dust mites. Remember that." He pushed open the door to his house, unfortunately with the Dib monster behind him.

The main living area hadn't changed much, just more cluttered, with more inventions and 'failures' laying about haphazardly. Perhaps Zim was getting sloppy; that and he never expected visitors anymore. With time people cared less and less and Zim was far too busy reigning world domination than keeping house and appearances inside.

"I'll keep that in mind, considering I’m actually on your side than trying to stop you." He followed Zim inside the house, quite surprised at how messy it had become compared to the last time he saw the inside of it. His eyes traveled over the different inventions and he had to actually stop himself from running over to a few of them and just picking them apart. Old habits die hard.

"You've been keeping busy it seems, what is all this stuff? I've never seen you use even half of it."

"Nothing." Zim toed what looked like a thermos only to kick it aside in a dismissive fashion.

"MAAAAAAAAAAAASTER!" In came gallivanting a tiny little robot who some how managed to over step all the junk on the floor like an expert obsticourser only to go flying and tackle onto, of all people's legs, Dib's. "He-Luuuuuuuuuu~ I know you! Yous the man on the back of the milk carton." Gir stuck out his tongue and smiled cheerfully.

Dib just stared down at the little menace that was now a third appendage and made a face that could only be annoyed, "Uh, I really doubt that was me. Unless it was the 2% then it was probably me, but that was years ago." He seemed to actually be in deep thought about this before he finally realized where he was and tried to shake the robot off his leg. "Would you get off of me you little pest!"

Gir had started nuzzling Dib's leg, cuddling it as if it were the most loveable plush ever-- until Dib started shaking his leg. "YEEHAW!" He waved his arm around like he was suddenly riding a bronco.

"GIR!" The robot suddenly let go of Dib's leg and stood in front of the alien, arm in salute, his eyes glowing red. "Dibworm is going to be hel-- working for me now. But I want you to keep a close eye on our... 'visitor'." Zim eyed Dib once more.

"Yessir!" Gir saluted only to giggle. "Imma gunna go bake him some muffins! Tooo da luuuu!" he waved and ran off into the kitchen.

Zim exhaled slowly as he rubbed his face. He immediately pointed a finger at Dib "Not-one-word, stink beast."

Dib held up his hands in surrender but there was a large grin on his face as if he were about to break down laughing at any moment. In fact small noises were coming from his mouth because he couldn't contain all his laughter. He held his breath for a few seconds and cleared his throat coughing as he did so still smiling as he spoke, "So Zim, shall we get started, the world isn't gonna destroy itself ya know."

A small laugh escaped his mouth because he still couldn't contain himself, "S-sorry..." He cleared his throat once more.

Zim shot Dib a nasty glare, if looks could kill- he would have taken over the world by now. Say, that wasn't a bad idea. Mental note to Zim: conquer world with dirty looks, if Dib fails to come through on this plan.

"So now that you're here in MY base-- what exactly are you intending to 'check out'" He provided the quotey fingers and everything as he spoke. Zim was still anxious about letting Dib down into the heart of his lab; overall this 'cooperation' bit still seemed rather suspicious to Zim overall. But time can wear away determination and Zim was willing to try at least everything once to finally conquer this land mass of mostly deadly water; hell, he had tried everything at least once.

"Ahhh, insanity. It eats the best of bright minds." Zim blinked. "Wait...did I say that aloud?" He looked about shiftily then coughed as if he did nothing at all.

Now it was Dib's turn to glare at Zim, but he let it slide for the moment deciding for once not to start a fight. They needed to be on the same page, and it needed to start while he was allowed in Zim's base.

"Well, I need to figure out what kind of Hazardous chemicals you have in your lab that would mix well with whatever my dad has stored in his own place. It's better for me to make a list of what you have first and what exactly they do instead of just going to my dad's lab and bringing back anything and everything. That would bring up at least some sort of suspicion, no matter what I was doing. This way I can bring back small samples of my dad's chemicals and compare it to your more deadly stuff and if anything just go back for more if need be."

Zim puffed "Very well. You may view my sweet juices." He gestured for Dib to follow him to the far side of the room. Carefully he stepped over some things and others he kicked out of the way. In the kitchen Gir could be heard singing randomly to himself as he mixed a bowl of batter.

"Stand on the pooper." Zim pointed to the random toilet situated oddly right near the wall.

Dib tried not to think about how everything Zim had just said sounded so wrong, but did as he was told and walked up to the toilet. He looked at it as if it were disease ridden, glancing back at the invader for a few moments before sighing and finally climbing on top of it, making the most disgusted face as he did so.

"Uh, are you sure there isn't another way down to your lab. I could have sworn I took a different route when I was younger...one less disgusting." He moved around a bit as if the toilet was gonna eat him at any second.

Zim reached up and took the pull flusher, a slow devious smile pulled on his lips, baring his jagged teeth. "There is." He yanked down on the pull and the toilet indeed did eat Dib him, opening up a secret entrance and sucking him down into its depths. "The garbage bin." He let loose a bought of evil cackling, hands splayed in the random maniacal gesture. He had to get his bouts in when he could.

Dib screamed loudly as he got sucked down into the depths of the lab finally landing hard on his back when the horrible ride ended. A pained groan escaped his lips as he moved his arms, trying to get away from the back pack that didn't really cushion his fall, throwing it halfway across the room in frustration as familiar words were said.

"Zim, you jerk..."